i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
