So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
