Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize