I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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