Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What a dumb baby whore.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
