come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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