Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
