What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i've created a new STD.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
