If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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