I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
