She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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