pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
