it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
