My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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