I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
