we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
