Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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