I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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