Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
