Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This house was built for laser tag.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
