This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
