Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
