its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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