I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
