You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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