I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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