we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize