let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I understand Curling. That high.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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