this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
