conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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