I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
