it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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