I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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