No stitches, just platelets and will power
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Text me some of your sweat
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize