Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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