her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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