A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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