What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
