Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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