My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
