Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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