Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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