go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
