Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize