Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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