So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
