Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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