I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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