Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
