Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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