I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
