I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
