It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
