I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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