I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
