No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
