Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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