I just pynch a tree in the face
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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