dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
