I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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