those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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