She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
