so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
