Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
