he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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