Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I bet he comes in French.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
