i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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