it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
