and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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