So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
