Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
