No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
